Information Minister of the Republic of Iraq (mohammedalsahaf) wrote,
Information Minister of the Republic of Iraq

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A few words on America's lies.

I seem to recall the Americans making up some crazy story about how the first man on the moon was an American (Kneel Strongarm? That's got to be the most homosexual name I've ever heard?), when in fact it was an Iraqi. Well, sort of. There really was no moon in the 60s and 70s when the Americans claim to have gone, this was determined by Iraqi Baathstronauts several years ago during one of Iraq's many manned space flights. Indeed, the Moon is a creation of Baathist ingenuity and elbow grease. We put that motherfucker up there in 1984 as a potential base of operations against those Iranian shitheads, but it hasn't been used for a while. Anyway, the Americans (if America still existed, which it most certainly does not) make up lies, and grand ones at that, which brings us to this:

What kind of idiots does the media take us for? Saddam doesn't have a beard. He can't even grow facial hair. The moustache was a gift from Sy Sperling, president (and client!) of the Hair Club for Men. No. The man in the above photograph is clearly ol' man Castro, and he hasn't been caught either, just photographed. Ooh, they took Castro's picture, isn't that scary? Beware the American proparazzi, or whatever the hell you call them. They shoot an old Cuban man with a Camera, we shoot their young soldiers with guns and flaming balls of tar and Volkswagens full of dogpoo. Like I said, we're bastards like that.

No, Saddam Hussein was not captured. He was actually at home in one of his Baghdad-area palaces when the purported capture took place, watching Schindler's Fist, which, as far as porno spoof movies go, is actually pretty good.

Sometimes I miss America. As far as countries we have conquered go, they had the best sense of humor. And the best pizza.
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