However, a lot what I have seen on the tube has gotten me thinking maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if the American infidels had taken over. Yes, bite my tongue, I know. But seriously, imagine if this fiction were true. I'd be safe from harm, as it has become apparent that America loves me more than Richard Gere - hell, I'm not even in that silly little deck of cards. Beyond that, I'd be a star, no? Leno and Letterman would cancel appearences by Vin Diesel or that Felicity chick to make room for me. And even though I despise American sports, I could do guest announcer spots, reporting the results of sporting events, only the complete opposite. Boloney-breathed infidel meatheads seem to be really into that. Just do a google search on the Iraqi Information Minister and you'll see what I mean. Doofus jock assholes seem to be making an endless supply of little movies or photos of me saying stupid-ass things about stupid ass sports teams. I cannot wait until Saddam's troops bury these numbskulls with their genitals in each other's mouths. Have you seen this crap? Ugh. moving on.
The greatest benefit of having the Americans take over Baghdad (which they haven't) would be that I would have a chance to meet that stone fox Jennifer Eccleston. I don't care if this statement would get me stoned to death in Nigeria, that woman would make the Prophet's nature rise higher than the highest minaret in Mecca. Damn, she is fine, and so very smart. I would leave my wife for her in a heartbeat, I'm serious. I would love to take a full day just sucking on one of Ms. Eccleston's long legs, devoting the next day to sucking on the other one. Do you think she'd go out with me? Oh, my heart is beating heavily and I am thick in the pants just thinking about it. I will be retiring to the television set and my 6-hr. tape of Jennifer Eccleston at the moment.
Sweet Jesus, is she a fox or what? I'm half-tempted to invite the Americans and the Englishes back to Iraq, as long as they bring that classy little mynx along with them.